urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:dreamoncinz the unrealistic dreams of a young solider. miss marshell 2004-08-12T15:22:10Z urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:dreamoncinz:87432 2004-08-12T15:22:10Z 2004-08-12T15:22:10Z New LJ name. <span class='ljuser ljuser-name__girlconfess' lj:user='_girlconfess' style='white-space: nowrap;'><a href='http://users.livejournal.com/_girlconfess/profile'><img src='http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif' alt='[info]' width='17' height='17' style='vertical-align: bottom; border: 0; padding-right: 1px;' /></a><a href='http://users.livejournal.com/_girlconfess/'><b>_girlconfess</b></a></span> add me if you like. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:dreamoncinz:86533 2004-08-11T16:48:12Z 2004-08-11T16:48:12Z i wanna get a new lj name. since yano. it feels like i'm starting a new chapter of my life... but i uno yet. rawr. i'm gon' go get ready for work. busy day ahead. reminder: don't forget to pay bills before 13. i have a feeling that today is gon' be an exhausting day. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:dreamoncinz:86280 2004-08-11T08:57:12Z 2004-08-11T08:57:12Z Horoscopes for tomorrow: Somebody could give you a gift even though it's not your birthday! It is also likely that two romantic interests will be vying for your attention today. You will know how to handle the situation. Don't make arbitrary decisions and then have to back down. <br /><br /><br /><br />hmm.. odd. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:dreamoncinz:85981 2004-08-10T14:53:39Z 2004-08-10T14:59:39Z "A tough lesson in life that one has to learn is that not everybody wishes you well." <br /><br />another day. i uno, my supervisor called in talkinbout, she needs me at work. i uno if i'ma go. today is my day off. but maybe i'll exchange wed for a day off ;). hoffa. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:dreamoncinz:85398 2004-08-09T02:57:53Z 2004-08-09T05:17:16Z another day in the hot ass work day. it was coo, me and jess was doing our thang. we met this other girl working with us. she's pretty coo. she walks home, her house is 3 miles away from waterworld. i'm giving her a ride tomorrow. she needs one... 3 miles? fuck that. after work i ain't do shit. me and david was gonna go swimming in our work clothes but it was 20 mins to closing and that boy was talking to too many people on the way down, so by the time we changed we'd have 5 minutes so i said fuck it and left with jess. someone got caught stealing. they didn't ring in the money and put it in their shoe IN FRONT of a secret shopper. EVERYONE KNOWS, that you only do that to little kids and you don't put it in your shoe, it's the damn tip jar!! I make like a bill everyday doing that... but ion't care if i get caught cause this job is gay. I deserve to get paid more, cause this ain't even a real job. this is some slave shit. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:dreamoncinz:85138 2004-08-08T04:02:28Z 2004-08-08T06:08:42Z <s>how come he don't call me .. anymore...<br /><br />well guess what.<br /><br />today he called. i was so happy. and it wasn't that bullshit just to see how i am doing. it's the way we was. and it feels kind of good. but how long will it last. he might come see me tomorrow at work. i wanna see him. so i can be in his arms. and pop his pimples. i miss him.</s><br /><br />never fucking mind. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:dreamoncinz:84943 2004-08-08T00:43:18Z 2004-08-08T00:44:12Z <img src="http://sheis.unst0ppable.net/miserable4.jpg" border="1"><br /><br /><a name="cutid1"></a><br /><br /><img src="http://sheis.unst0ppable.net/miserable.jpg"><br /><img src="http://sheis.unst0ppable.net/miserable2.jpg"><br /><img src="http://sheis.unst0ppable.net/miserable3.jpg"><br /><br />just got off of work. i'll be back. whenever .. maybe sundown. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:dreamoncinz:84526 2004-08-07T15:04:41Z 2004-08-07T15:04:41Z "Never regret. If it's good, it's wonderful. If it's bad, it's experience." Victoria Holt<br /><br />really. what the hell is going on. somedays i think everything is back to normal, but then i realise it really aint. maybe i'm trying to fix something that can't be fixed? i wish i could. but right now i feel like i can't. i feel stupid .. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:dreamoncinz:84327 2004-08-07T03:17:34Z 2004-08-07T03:17:34Z just dyed my hair.. pictures in a few urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:dreamoncinz:84096 2004-08-07T01:57:59Z 2004-08-07T01:57:59Z quoted.<br />i distribute (6:57:24 PM): WEST COAST HIP HOP IS COMIN BACK<br />i distribute (6:57:26 PM): GYEAH<br />i distribute (6:57:28 PM): *NUTS* urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:dreamoncinz:83967 2004-08-06T05:20:23Z 2004-08-06T05:20:23Z Today was the last beautiful day of summer school. I passed with a C, I ain't ever think I was gon' pass but I did. I left around 10:30 with an early pass, and went to Waterworld to pick up my check. Then I went back up to the school picked up my grades, then went down to Meadowview to meet Misi. Man.. just being with him was everything I needed. Things felt normal, and I was happy again, I wasn't feeling alone. We went to Waterworld, and picked up HIS pay check, then put our feet in the water and just chilled.<br /><br />Things got a little heated. So let's skip ahead to like 2 hours later. But it was just what I needed... EH :).<br /><br /><br />2 Hours later Jessica got off of work, so we went to Arden, to meet up with Sean and we went shopping. I got him this Bob Marley/Lion Rug, he wanted the shirt, but they didn't have his size so I bought him the rug for his birthday, and then I'm going to cop him some shirts off of uptownclothingusa.com hopefully they are legit. Then I got my "Jesus is my Homeboy" shirt that I been wanting for 9374397 years. I didn't really buy much just that. He wanted to get me some jerseys but I was like "Nope, today is your day." So I treated him to everything ;). He's leaving for Hawaii next week. Which sucks ass. I gotta go to the first day of the state fair alone :(.. well not exactly but I won't have him with me, which sucks ass. Well I'm hella full and hella tired. And tomorrow I'm going to see Little Black Book... maybe with Christina... i aint sure yet. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:dreamoncinz:83468 2004-08-05T04:14:36Z 2004-08-05T04:14:36Z today was boring as hell. thursday i'm going shopping at this vintage store i found at arden. i dunno who the hell i'm going with. either vanessa or misi. jessica is gon' get picked up after work. the joys of driving :)<br /><br />but today was boring. i ate my mcdonalds, I got the hook up cause my homie works there, which doesn't seem tight, but when you only got 4 dollars and you come out with a 20 dollar meal, you feel mighty good about yourself. Then I dozed off and took a big ass nap, 'till about 4. Then went outside to play basketball and think. <br /><br />Yesterday me and Misi we're talking again. I don't understand him. Yesterday, he was talking about how he feels that im moving farther away from him, and i was like.. "You asked for space so I'm giving you the space you need to recover.." and he tells me that he didn't ask for space. But he's the one doing it. I don't understand his ass somedays. I just wanna give up, and if he comes back to me then he'll come. .. he's going to Hawaii for two weeks. So ... he has a lot of time to think. I hope he enjoys it. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:dreamoncinz:83417 2004-08-04T21:21:37Z 2004-08-04T21:21:37Z i didn't exactly get flaked on. but all's i know is that i'm at home and eating mcdonalds by myself, then taking a long nap.<br /><br />but im okay. :) urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:dreamoncinz:83110 2004-08-04T05:52:47Z 2004-08-04T05:52:47Z Feels like a long time, long long time since I seen ya<br />Yes it has boy, and I know I said some dumb things to you before<br />But boy you know I didn't mean it<br />I didn't mean one single word<br />I never meant one single word<br />If I could take back every word I would and more fa sho<br />If I thought that you believe it<br />Cause you make my life so convinient for me..<br />When we laugh or we cry it's together<br />Through the rain and the stormiest weather<br />We gon still be as one it's forever, it's forever urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:dreamoncinz:82922 2004-08-04T04:42:52Z 2004-08-04T04:42:52Z hi. damn.. i think i already forgot what I did? uhmm yeah! Today me and Vanessa came over here and we just chilled. Nothing major, just watching T.V., looking at pictures and all that shit. After school I went to go eat with folks, and then went home. This little boy that I knew when since he was little, cause he's younger than me, is all grown now and was tryna get at me.. And.. i was like thinking in my head.. "I used to pick on you when you were little and now you sitting here tryna run game.." and he wouldn't leave me alone. I told him I had a man.. wouldn't go away. I told him i'm a full on lesbian. wouldn't go away. Told him everything.. everyone on the bus was beginning to laugh at his ass.<br /><br /><br />Monday, me and Misi talked. And Talked.. and talked. I don't know how things are going to go. I just want my baby back. Tomorrow he's coming over.. we're slowly tryna get over the shit that happened. I don't know if he's gon' flake on me or not... so shit I uno. Thursday is pay day, so me and Jessica, and Vanessa is going to arden. Friday, I wanna go see a movie with Misi, hopefully. And SAT and SUN are work days. I hope everything goes according to plan..<br /><br />and I pray i get my baby back every night. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:dreamoncinz:82502 2004-08-03T02:20:22Z 2004-08-03T02:20:22Z <a href="http://sheis.unst0ppable.net">http://sheis.unst0ppable.net</a><br /><br /><br />it's what i've been doing since i've been so lonely. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:dreamoncinz:82370 2004-08-02T06:06:15Z 2004-08-02T06:06:15Z they always make me laugh<br /><br /><a href="http://sheis.unst0ppable.net/SUC30004.MOV">http://sheis.unst0ppable.net/SUC30004.MOV</a><br /><br />right click save as target. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:dreamoncinz:81930 2004-08-02T02:27:54Z 2004-08-02T02:27:54Z today was the regular. I was so tired.. work was boring. Me and jessica were getting paid to give eachother pecks on the lips. It was hella funny. And then afterwards we went swimming before closing. I just laid my ass down in the lazy river. and called it a god damn day, and now I'm going to read "A day late and a dollar short" urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:dreamoncinz:81684 2004-08-01T16:15:21Z 2004-08-01T16:15:21Z why has puberty JUST now start for me?<br /><br />my bewbies have gone from 34B to fucking 36C. my size in pants have gone from 5 to size 7. I hope my feet don't start growing. And I've lost some weight. IM SO KEWLIEZ! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:dreamoncinz:81417 2004-08-01T04:45:05Z 2004-08-01T06:31:15Z I UNO! Okay. Let me start over with my day.<br /><br />Today was the usual day at work. Serving food, to angry ass people. Big lady thinking we have something against her cause we carded her, and she ovbiously looks 50, but it's policy. She thinks we have some kind of racial thing against her cause she is white. Um..it has a big ass laminated sign saying. "To purchase beer must have I.D." I let Chris and his cousins in at waterworld, and I let Jessica's family in too, then Chris and his folks had some beef, and security was on it. Hiding out and tryna watch shit. It was like.. COPS. I gotta give them props, them security people.. be on top. I was at work and these little black kids, keep saying "HI!" and waving, so I give them ice creams, and then like 4 more of them come and wave and say hi, so I give it to them. And then, their dad gets up and waves, and i'm like "hi" and he was like, "My son and his friends said if I wave I'll get free ice cream." I was like "oh.. haha.." and walked away. LOL.. i was not giving out more ice cream. Then the little boys tried to jump over the counter to get to the ice cream! That is the last time I give little black kids free ice cream. I'm stickin to the asian children.<br /><br /><br />Then when I got off of work, which was a beautiful miracle. I got my tube, switched into my swim suit. And went swimming along with Jessica and 'em. It was coo, we went to breaker beach, which is like a wave pool and just chilled. I was kinna just remembering the times me and Misi spent there. I remember him pushing me against the waves and me falling that shit was hella fun, and his little happy ass talkinbout "the waves in hawaii are much better! TEE HEE!! I'ma go in the deep end babe." Him holding me on his back, and him getting mad, and scared when I made him "happy" in the pool, because we had to get out cause they had to clean it every 15 minutes. ..<br /><br />Nah today wasn't like them days, but it was fun, but it could never compare to the fun we had. Some light skinned boy with braids, tipped me over while I was day dreaming about the past. Then we got into a big water fight, stealing tub, frenzy. It was fun, and tiring. The lifeguards kept blowing their whistle but couldn't do anything. The shit was crazy.. it was hella fun. Then i came home, did the usual. Worked on a new layout for my live journal. Downloaded some songs. Then... i just sat down, sent a few e-mails called a few people. And thinked. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:dreamoncinz:81368 2004-07-31T03:54:04Z 2004-07-31T03:54:04Z i think god is making up for this.<br /><br />today someone from the drawing for that car at arden, that i signed up in for along time ago called me. my name got drawn as one of the finalist!! i doubt it but it made me feel better. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:dreamoncinz:81092 2004-07-31T00:38:09Z 2004-07-31T00:38:09Z Alicia Keys - Wake up today i tried to stay energized. but i can't help it. my heart hurts. i've been trying so hard, to smile, and laugh and seem happy, around everyone, shit even in this journal where my thoughts are consumed, i've put on a front. but i'm unhappy. i'm slowly falling apart one by one. first i go up, and then i fall right down. i need <i>you</i> to hold me and tell me everything is gonna be okay. and take me in your arms, and play with my hair.. the way you used to. look into my eyes and tell me that you loved me. crack my thumb when we're holding hands. let me fall asleep in your arms... but no, i was so stupid to rely on fate, to help me decide on who to be with. now i'm stuck in a rut. alone and abandoned. or vice versa? i don't know what to believe anymore, but i guess i'm going to have to learn how to cope by myself. <br /><br /><i>best friends..</i> wtf? are best friends... what kind of way is that to end a relationship. you might as well tell me you don't wanna talk to me anymore. i guess best friends are better than hating eachother. he wants to be free, what the hell am i gon' do chain him to a rope? nah.. i'ma let him be free. but if i'm not there when he returns.. then.. that's too bad. ain it?<br /><br />i just need my baby home. .. bring my baby back to me &lt;/3 urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:dreamoncinz:80867 2004-07-30T15:03:57Z 2004-07-30T15:03:57Z Lea Salonga - on my own <div style="text-align: center;">"And now I'm all again, no one to turn to..<br />The city goes to bed, and I can live inside my head..<br />On my own.. pretending he's beside me.<br />All alone, I walk with him till morning..<br />Without him, I feel his arms around me..<br />And when I lose my way I close my eyes and he has found me.<br />In the rain the pavement shines like silver..<br />All the lights are misty in the river<br />In the darkness, the trees are full of starlight<br />And all I see is him and me forever and forever..<br /><br />And i know it's only in my mind..<br />that i'm talking to myself and not to him..<br />And although I know that he is blind..<br />Still I say theres a way for us.<br /><br />I love him but when the night is over..<br />He is gone the rivers just a river<br />without him, the world around me changes<br />the trees are bare everywhere, the streets are full of strangers..<br /><br />I love him but everyday I'm learning<br />All my life I've only been pretending..<br />Without me, his world will go on turning.<br />A world that's full of happiness that I have never known.<br />I love him...<br />I love him.....<br />but only on my own.."</div> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:dreamoncinz:80631 2004-07-30T14:56:18Z 2004-07-30T16:21:16Z No work today. I don't know what the hell I'm going to do. I might go swimming, and call up some folks, since I don't wanna go to the malls cause I'm dead broke. But I don't wanna go swimming cause I just did my hair! UGHHH. But i don't wanna stay home and mope around here. I gotta think of something to doo..<br /><br />I talked to him at school. He finally gave me a chance. He claims he wasn't ignoring me. He thought I was mad at him. I guess he believes me now. How do you wannabe with someone but then you can't? Oh well. I'll be own my own, I'm okay. Just as long as I got the truth out, and he believes me, I'm fine. I can move on now... even though I'm not ready. ..I don't care, we kissed, and when we hugged, I wouldn't let go. He called me last night.. talking as friends.. and everytime he was like.. "yeah that's coo babe..... i mean carol." which sucked big ass.<br /><br />Who am I gonna wake up with on the phone? Who the hell is gon' sleep with me on the phone? And who is gonna take care of me when I'm mad...*shrugs..* ..I'll be on my own. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:dreamoncinz:80266 2004-07-29T13:46:55Z 2004-07-29T13:46:55Z just like he always said his self. i'm a strong ass person...<br /><br />yesterday was the same. arden, downtown mall. hung out, guys.. didn't wanna give anyone time. but that's always been me. tried to get my mind off and smile but things arn't the same. i just kept seeing couples. and people at the mall asking where's misi. and i had to explain. so tomorrow i uno what im doing. maybe i'll go down to fairfield. at least no one will ask me about me and misi.<br /><br />i walked into a busy ass intersection today, i uno why. i wanted to get hit. i been tripping. crazy..